It can be quite concerning, irritating, frustrating, when people at work can’t just put their feelings aside and work together professionally to get the job done. It’s even harder when you as a business owner, HR business partner, or People Leader, are really busy and juggling loads of projects, jobs, things. You may think “just get over yourself”. Or “This seems so petty”. Sometimes little niggles between people can lead to, or even drive, negative and ill-advised responses, and indeed the whole team culture can be impacted. AND then it takes more time and effort to work out. There seems to be an avoidance of dealing with conflict because it can be uncomfortable, time consuming and potentially with unpredictable outcomes. Things are left too long in the hope that it will all go away, people will get over themselves, or it will settle down by itself.
So, what causes this kind of workplace tension?
In our experience, it’s rarely about just the task or workload. The underlying causes are often much more personal and nuanced. Here are some common triggers:
1. Perceptions and Assumptions
People create stories in their minds about someone else’s intentions or motives—usually based on limited information. These assumptions can take hold quickly:
“She always ignores my suggestions in meetings—she must not respect me.”
“He’s being passive-aggressive because he doesn’t like me.”
Once a perception is formed, it can influence how people interpret everything that follows, reinforcing bias and escalating the conflict.
2. Values Misalignment
When someone’s personal or professional values feel compromised, it can trigger strong emotional responses. For example, someone who deeply values honesty might react strongly if they feel another person isn’t being transparent. Similarly, values like fairness, respect, or loyalty can be flashpoints when they’re not mutually recognised or upheld.
3. Loss of Trust
Trust erodes quickly and rebuilds slowly. Whether due to broken commitments, inconsistent communication, or feeling “thrown under the bus,” once trust is lost, even small interactions can feel charged and tense.
4. Imbalance of Support
Conflict can arise when someone feels unsupported by their manager or teammates. Ironically, over-protection or perceived favouritism can be just as damaging, leading others to feel overlooked or resentful.
“Why does she always get backed, no matter what?” “No one has my back when things go wrong.”
5. Fear of the Other Person’s Reaction
Many people avoid raising concerns because they’re worried about how the other person will respond. Will they blow up? Get defensive? Cry? This fear of escalation keeps issues underground, until they explode.
6. Compounding Stress and Burnout
When people are tired, stressed, or emotionally depleted, their ability to navigate conflict constructively is diminished. What might have once been a manageable conversation becomes a full-blown clash.
An example of one of the conflict issues that have come through our conflict resolution space:
A team member who is very loyal and proactive, takes on other people’s workload to help them and the business out. They also step up into an acting Team Leader role, whilst trying to maintain their current role. In a short space of time, they become stressed and short with others. No feedback, support or acknowledgement is given to this person by the business.
Recruitment takes place for the team leader role and the person who thought they were doing a great job in the acting role, does not get selected. To compound the issue there is suddenly a whole lot of negative feedback given to this person.
The new Team Leader comes in with positive intent but underestimates the level of hurt to the acting team leader with a whole lot of anger, embarrassment, and shame bubbling away in the background, and the damage to the overall team culture.
We approached this situation with a combination of conflict resolution coaching, facilitated discussions, individual coaching sessions and group team sessions.
Remember that conflict doesn’t have to derail your business. In fact, if handled constructively, it can lead to stronger relationships and healthier team culture. It does require conscious attention. If you’re noticing signs of friction in your team, don’t leave it to “settle down.” That rarely happens. Reach out, we’re here to help.
Jean Schoultz | Conflict Resolution Specialist