Many of us struggle to raise feedback because we see it as a difficult conversation. We worry about upsetting people, creating conflict, or damaging relationships.
Feedback is not a favour we do for people. It is a responsibility we have to them.
When we avoid feedback, we’re often protecting our own comfort rather than supporting someone else’s success.
As leaders, we have a responsibility to our team members, our team, our organisation, and ourselves to have these conversations. If someone doesn’t know there is a problem, how can we reasonably expect them to address it?
When one person’s behaviour affects others and no one addresses it, resentment grows. What goes unspoken does not disappear, it accumulates.
At a recent Courageous Conversations workshop, one participant shared a challenge they were facing with their team. A change in work practices had unintentionally created pressure on a small number of team members, resulting in frustration and an uneven distribution of responsibilities.
The leader’s concern wasn’t the issue itself, but the anticipated resistance if changes were imposed. Rather than introducing a new rule, the leader explained the impact the situation was having on the team and invited everyone to explore possible solutions together. Through discussion, the team developed a practical approach that balanced individual needs with team responsibilities. The issue was resolved, ownership remained with the team, and the expected resistance never appeared.
This highlights an important point: feedback isn’t about telling people what to do. Sometimes it’s about helping people understand a problem and creating the opportunity for them to solve it.
Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, wrote: “You get what you tolerate.”
The behaviours we repeatedly overlook eventually become accepted standards. When poor performance, unhelpful habits, or problematic behaviours aren’t addressed, we should not be surprised when they continue.
People cannot solve problems they don’t know exist. Feedback delivered with care isn’t criticism. It’s an opportunity to learn, improve, and succeed.
So, what feedback are you avoiding that someone needs to hear?
Jo Stuart | Trainer